More Things My Mother Should Have Told Me, But Didn’t

By Larry Cohen c 2025

Because I had such a great response on the things that my mother should have told me, but didn’t, I have collected more of those things that she never told me.

“The phone will always ring as soon as you step into the shower”

“Just when you think everything is going along well, something will go wrong”

“When you want to use the bathroom, someone will always be using it. When you don’t have to use the bathroom, no one is ever using it.

“If you don’t like someone, don’t wish that they have a long and miserable death. If a man is married, wish that he finds a girlfriend….that will finish him off faster than any illness ever would. Or, if he has a nice apartment, wish that he goes out and buys a house… another thing that will make his life much worse than a long and miserable death.”

“Your neighbor’s leaves will always blow into your backyard in Autumn as well as his snow in Winter.

“You’ll always get a food stain on a brand new shirt, not the one you wear everyday that is ready for the ragman”

“Someone’s 90 year old grandmother will always win the TV in the high school raffel”

“Clocks slow down in January and speed up in June”

“Your best friend will turn out to be a rat”

“You will never get a good deal when buying a car”

“You can never go back and find the person whom you know you have should have gotten at least their name and phone number”

“You will mistakenly shred an important document while holding the worthless envelope it arrived in”

“You will always wonder if all of the wicked people drowned during the Great Flood of Noah, where did all of the wicked people come from today”

“You can immediately find out how intelligent someone is by asking one simple question: ‘Would you rather be able to read other people’s minds or be able to fly?’”