“It Came from Outer Space” or “The Three Stooges in Orbit”

by Larry Cohen c.2026

Two of my closest and long-time friends are at odds. No, it’s not over their political views, or a fence line, or which flavor of ice cream is better, vanilla or chocolate. No, it’s not if hot tea is better for you than hot coffee, nor if Burger King has a better hamburger than McDonald’s. No. It’s nothing as consequential as these life-changing topics. It’s about something far more relevant to our day-to-day lives than that. The entire dispute is about the existence of space aliens.

As for myself, I have never seen a flying saucer nor any space aliens. I have not been abducted by any space aliens, or at least I don’t think so. (according to a recent survey, 2% of all Americans think that they have) Frankly, I would not know what one even looked like, save for those that I have seen depicted in old science fiction movies and comic books, assuming that these sci-fi artists and movie set designers are correct in their depictions. Now, on the other hand, if one of these space ships were to land in my yard, it would decidedly alter my views on the subject.

Getting back to my two friends, both of whom have earned master’s degrees from recognized universities, their arguments make sense. Well, let me rephrase that. The argument for those who believe that there is extraterrestrial intelligent life capable of making a flying ship that could traverse the vastness of space, find planet Earth, and land here without crashing might be possible, if not a little specious. I find it, however, more than a little specious. I find it silly

My other friend, whom I agree with, says that even with our most powerful orbiting telescopes, the Hubble and Webb, among others, we have not only been unable to find any signs of intelligent life, but life of any kind whatsoever. For those readers familiar with the “Fermi paradox”, they need not read any further. For those unfamiliar with the “Fermi paradox,” they can search that out without my assistance, I am certain.

Brian Greene, the astrophysicist and author from Columbia University, thinks that despite the Carl Sagan argument (and my alien-believing friend’s) that, and I paraphrase, because there are billions and billions of stars, it stands to reason that there is life out there, somewhere, someplace. Dr. Greene thinks that life as we know it here on Earth might have only happened once. Here and only here. I tend to believe in Greene’s theory. And, so does my friend. And, this is why they are at odds.

I truly think the underlying problem is that it is just hard to grasp the vast distances of space. We see our nearest star, the Sun, and think that it’s not that far away, at 93 million miles. The next closest star is only 4 light-years away, so that can’t be that far. Putting this in perspective, traveling at the speed of light,186,000 miles per second, it would take us 4 years to get to this “nearby” star. Further, to get to the speed of light, it would take all of the energy produced by every energy plant here on Earth to get only one spaceship up to that speed, an impossibility from the get-go. On top of that, one has to find a star and planet to go with it that can even support life. Not all stars are created equal, as the saying goes. (my saying)

So with that, I’ll let my friends argue over space aliens. But, as I mentioned earlier, if one should land in my backyard, I hope it brings some extra paint, in battleship gray color, and some more sandpaper. And hopefully, at least one of those aliens knows how to paint. You don’t think I’m going to let them land here and sit around and do nothing, do you?