Banks Rattle Me

Commentary by Larry Cohen  c. 2026

Banks rattle me.  I guess this goes way back to when I was a student in elementary school.  We had a day called “Bank Day”.  The local savings bank in town had a savings program whereby students could “bank” or “save” money for college.  Many of us would bring some small change to school every Wednesday, bringing it up to the teacher’s desk, one by one, where she would collect the funds.  I think what annoyed me was the way she would say our names and then in a sort of supercilious and patronizing tone repeat it. “Would so-and-so like to bank today?”, turning a noun into the seldom used verb, “to bank”, each word separated by a slight pause as if she were speaking to children much younger than we were.

On occasion, I would have a dollar to save, or on some occasions, my father would give me a silver dollar.  I am not sure as to why he gave me those silver dollars unless he wanted my teacher to have to lug around some extra weight.

In my mind, however, I thought that those silver dollars were kept in my account in some kind of special box, as in a safety deposit box, and separated from the regular paper dollars. Right?  Wrong.  The silver dollars were treated like any other dollar and just mixed in with the other money. I never was able to retrieve any of those silver dollars I had “banked”. I felt right then, and there I was scammed. I don’t know what ever happened to the concept of “Bank Day,” but by high school, it had disappeared, and our green colored savings cards were turned into normal savings account bank books.

I was never concerned with banks until it came time to fill out financial information forms for college.  Those colleges and universities were a bunch of nosey bastards, I thought.  I further thought that these financial aid people were actually worse than the bankers and their silver dollar scam.  When they looked at my completed financial aid form, they would tell me how much they expected me to earn through Summer jobs as well as how much I “should” borrow from the federal student loan program.  I truly thought that these financial aid people should be put on the same level as Roman tax collectors of some 2000 years ago.  To add insult to injury, I had to go back to the very bank that stole (yes, stole!) my silver dollars for the student loan.  Even with the scholarships that I had, these Roman tax collectors wanted me to borrow money.

This all begs the question as to why am I still rattled by banks.  Well, I use a credit card for groceries.  This credit card returns 5% of the total monthly statement in the form of a statement credit or cash, whichever I prefer.  To me, 5% sounds like a lot of money to give back to the customer for groceries since the grocery business runs on a profit margin of only 3%-4%.  So, I called my friend, who is a commercial banker and knows more about these kinds of things than I do.  My friend told me that the supermarket has nothing to do with what is returned to me.  In fact, he said the credit card company can do whatever they wish with their “cut”. They could even give back more than the 5% if they wished.  The “trick” he continued, was in the fact that many, if not most, of their customers carry a balance and those interest rates are, in his words, “though-the–roof-Coco-Puffs-crazy high”  He continued that it was the cash customers who also helped out the grocery store since the store kept all of their receipts, not having to share it with anyone.

After hearing all of this from my banker friend, I thought, at least now I have more legitimate reasons to be rattled by banks. But, to the bank, I know now that at least I am not just a number…I’m 3 numbers, a dash, 4 numbers, another dash,and then two more numbers.