And Even More Things My Mother Should Have Told Me, But Didn’t

by Larry Cohen c 2025

You won’t save any money by heating with wood. You might think so, but unless you get free wood and someone else to put it in the woodstove, it won’t.

If you ever get a “Wish you were here card!” from your vacationing neighbors, don’t believe them.
They’re probably happy to get away from you for a couple of weeks.

When adults tell kids to wash behind their ears, it’s the adults who really should wash behind their own ears. Kids’ ears don’t get dirty. Old people get dirty ears.

If you should have an auto accident and clip off a power pole, don’t worry about it…you’ll survive. If you should hit a tree, I don’t think you’ll be reading this.

Coffee will not keep you awake. If it really did, it would be illegal without a prescription.

You may have Free Will or you may not. Science says no. Religion says yes. Philosophy says maybe. I agree with all of them.

A doctor is the only person who will ask you to take off your clothes and you won’t think twice about it.

When you come to a fork in the road, pick it up. Find a knife and spoon, too, then look for a good restaurant.

If you are a gentleman, or consider yourself such, never leave the house without these three things in your pocket: A clean and ironed white handkerchief, a small pocket knife, and a pack of matches. If you have all three, you are now prepared to face the World.

If tablecloths and cloth napkins in a restaurant make you feel at home, you can’t afford to eat there.

Hearing aids will never work as well for better hearing as well as eyeglasses work for better seeing.

Everyone has problems. You have yours They have theirs. Look at the house next door. There are a lot of problems in that house. Look at the house 2 doors away. They have problems, too. They are not going to tell you their problems and you are not going to tell them yours.

When you withdraw a tidy sum from your bank, even though it’s your money, the bank always feels it’s their money you’re taking.

Eggs are good for you, bad for you, good for you, bad for you, good for you…..ad infinitum.

Not too long ago if you owned stock in the “Nifty Fifty” it meant you owned stock in IBM, Kodak, Xerox, and General Motors. And, if that’s what you counted on for retirement, you had also better have a cup full of pencils ready to sell on some street corner. Pencils still have value.

When you wake up in the morning, get out of bed and both feet touch the floor, it’s already a great day.