A Devil’s Dilemma

A short story by Larry Cohen, c 2026

The Devil bought his last soul. He was tired. He was old. He was very tired and very old. He was tired of doing the same thing day after day, night after night, ad infinitum. He was through, he told the Higher Power. He had had enough. There was no challenge. He added that in these economic times, souls could be purchased at bargain basement prices. The Devil had a sense of humor. There was nothing innovative for him to do. He was retiring. Quitting the soul-buying business.

So, the Higher Power sought a New Devil. The New Devil, thought the Higher Power, would end the old practice of just buying souls. Instead, the New Devil would give the buyer one extra hour after the dearly departed was dead in order to finish things he had meant to do while alive.

This allowed for a whole new realm for the New Devil. The dead would live for one more hour after death to do some last-minute things they had forgotten or meant to do when they were alive. How innovative, how creative was the Higher Power.

The Higher Power knew He could persuade one of the Eternally Condemned to take the part of the New Devil. It was not a hard task, thought the Higher Power, since there were so many getting roasted and toasted and pricked and sticked for all of Eternity. Any one of the minions should be glad to take on the duties and responsibilities of the New Devil and get the hell out of here. (The Higher Power had a sense of humor, too, He thought to Himself)

There had to be rules, nonetheless. The condemned could not commit any more heinous acts than they had already committed during that extra hour. And, further, there could be no personal gain during that extra hour. What would be the point? That sounded more than reasonable, since who gets an extra hour after they have been declared dead to get up and put some “final touches” on things that could have been accomplished when they were alive?

And, so it went. Instead of those fake horns the old Devil used to wear and that movie prop trident, the New Devil would wear a nice business suit with a quality shirt and a handmade silk necktie with a matching silk pocket square. After all, it was Dante in his godawful Inferno (that some of us had to read in the original Italian) that set the stage for, well, that Dark and Hot place that we have learned about.

The New Devil was working out great. But, more importantly, the extra hour was a real hit. The newly departed would, for the most part, tell those he loved, but failed to tell when he was alive, how much he really loved them. It was so successful that the Higher Power decided to give everyone the extra hour without any strings attached, no soul selling, no signed agreements, nothing. But, with so many deaths in this Earthly realm and only one New Devil, it was impossible to keep up with the work. So, the project ended unceremoniously. The Higher Power told the New Devil he was being “let go,” but he could collect unemployment of sorts and return to his previous location. The New Devil said he preferred no unemployment but just a reprieve from that Hot and Dark place. Wish granted, said the Higher Power.

So, all of you will notice that there have been no Devil sightings for many years now. Thank Heaven.